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Pregnancy,  Sassy, Snarky, & Sarcastic Parenting Humor

Clever Pregnancy Comebacks: Hilarious responses to “Are you having twins?” –When You’re Not!

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Are You Having Twins?

18 weeks, 6 days. That’s how long it took for someone to make “the comment.”

To this woman’s credit, she did try to feel me out beforehand. First, she asked how far along I was and then, after giving me the shocked look, said hesitantly, “Wow… Can I… Can I say this?”

Me, knowing exactly what was coming, “Go ahead. I know I blow up pretty early.”

And then she gave her astonished inquiry.

“Wow! You’re REALLY big for 19 weeks. Are you sure you’re not having twins?!”

I have gotten this with Every. Single. Kid. 

At this point, I gave no clever pregnancy comeback. Comments like this no longer hurt my feelings (although the first time around, they really did). I accept the reality: I look like I deserve physical assistance and a handicapped parking space somewhere between months six and seven. 

By month nine, I look like a walking miracle (the “miracle” being that I am still able to walk upright). “Are you having twins?”–though rude–is not a shocking question at that point. People actually probably wonder if I’m having triplets, but most of them have the good sense not to actually ask.

This is my fourth child. I have been pregnant six times in eight years. By now, I’m pretty sure my uterus knows to blow up like a balloon before the pregnancy test is even dry.

With all that said…. WHY?!?! 

WHY do people feel the need to say these things to pregnant women? 

WHERE IS YOUR HOME TRAINING?! 

How is it that perfectly normal people who would ordinarily never comment on another person’s size, upon being confronted by a larger-than-expected pregnant woman, morph into Michael Scott from The Office (unable to suppress every foolish comment that passes through their brain)?

What purpose does a question or comment like that serve?! 

It’s not a family member or health care provider expressing concern for my well being.

It’s not a friend joking with me (for the record, despite having friends with pretty sharp, snarky senses of humor, none of them have ever made a joke or comment like this). 

It’s an acquaintance (and in some cases, a total random stranger) just throwing it out there like it desperately needed to said, like verbal diarrhea they were physically unable to contain.

So let me clear this up for everyone, lest you run into a large pregnant woman who is NOT as immune to this absurdity as I am: If you are tempted to say anything other than, “You look great!” do everyone a favor and…

JUST SAY NOTHING!

(And for the record, after four ultrasounds — and another on the docket for next week–yes, we are pretty confident it’s *not* twins)

Now, should you find yourself face-to-face with one of these idiots, and chances are you will, here’s a list of clever pregnancy comebacks you may want to consider. 

Clever Pregnancy Comebacks

  • “What?! I’m not pregnant!” – if they’re commenting on how large you are, this response is sure to be a double-whammy.
  • In response to inquiries about how large you are: “I was just thinking the same thing about you!”  Ok, truthfully, this may be a clever pregnancy comeback, but it’s a little too mean for me. With that said, if someone else’s rude or intrusive questions are getting under your skin, you feel free to go for it!
  • “Oh my gosh?! You’re an OB?! I had no idea this was your specialty?!” -This is also helpful for people in the opposite situation (“You’re too small”). No one has *ever* accused me of being too small while pregnant, but apparently it happens so some women.
  • “I don’t know why I’m gaining so quickly. It’s probably the empty calories in all the beer I’ve been drinking.” – Be careful with this pregnancy comeback. Some dummy could very well take you seriously and then you’ll have a CPS situation on your hands. After all, if they were that bright, they’d have shut up in the first place.
  • Spritz the offending commenter with a spray bottle of vinegar. – Ok it might be a stretch to call this a clever pregnancy comeback, but this course of action was suggested by a woman on The Wild, Wild West Facebook page and I laughed out loud when I read it. It made me think of punishing a naughty cat.

The fact is, a baby is a blessing and pregnancy is a miracle. Try not to let the comments people make and the rude questions people ask of pregnant women get to you. If these clever pregnancy comebacks help you feel better, by all means use them.

Just remember — you won’t be this big or uncomfortable forever–and it will all be worth it!

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9 Comments

    • Charissa @ The Wild, Wild West

      Solidarity fist bump, Emily!

      I have been relatively huge with each pregnancy, but I’m really outdoing myself now that I’m pregnant with my fourth. I used to care about trying to at least look decent while pregnant, but this pregnancy has been so rough, I have decided to give up on this year. Next year, I’ll diet, exercise, and try to look like a presentable human being again. These next four months, however, are a lost cause haha. For anyone who has a comment about my size or appearance, well, “Better luck next year!” is my only pregnancy comeback!

      Charissa

    • Charissa @ The Wild, Wild West

      Congratulations on your pregnancy!

      Seriously though, why do people think it’s okay to say these things to pregnant women?! No one would ever say, “Wow, you look like you’ve gotten really big since I saw you last” to any other person any other time. Ridiculous!

      Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy!
      Charissa

    • Charissa @ The Wild, Wild West

      Hi Lexis,

      Yes! The things people say to pregnant women are just absurd! I will admit that I’ve used very few of these clever pregnancy comebacks ALOUD. Most of them are rude responses I mutter in my head while smiling and nodding. However, now that I’m on my fourth pregnancy and we still have four months left, if I have to keep hearing “Are you having twins?!” and “Are you SURE it’s not twins?!” one more time, I might have to start busting out the snarky comebacks!

      Charissa

  • Karen

    When I was pregnant with twins people would ask me if the babies were ok because I wasn’t very big. Yeah, just what I wanted to think about 24/7. One lady commented, when the girls were about 2 months old, “Oh you have twins, it’s good that they are both pretty because what if one was ugly!” The things people will say.

    • Charissa @ The Wild, Wild West

      Hi Karen,

      Ugh, what is wrong with people?! Seriously, people say the most rude and ridiculous things to pregnant women. I’m pregnant with our fourth at this point, and used to it, but the whole idea still appalls me! I have kept these little clever pregnancy comebacks to myself thus far but… every day that passes, my tolerance for the things that come out of people’s mouths wanes.

      I’m glad your twinsa re healthy AND that they’re both pretty lol 😉

      Charissa

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