Are You Having Twins?
18 weeks, 6 days. That’s how long it took for someone to make “the comment.”
To this woman’s credit, she did try to feel me out beforehand. First, she asked how far along I was and then, after giving me the shocked look, said hesitantly, “Wow… Can I… Can I say this?”
Me, knowing exactly what was coming, “Go ahead. I know I blow up pretty early.”
And then she gave her astonished inquiry.
“Wow! You’re REALLY big for 19 weeks. Are you sure you’re not having twins?!”
I have gotten this with Every. Single. Kid.
At this point, I gave no clever pregnancy comeback. Comments like this no longer hurt my feelings (although the first time around, they really did). I accept the reality: I look like I deserve physical assistance and a handicapped parking space somewhere between months six and seven.
By month nine, I look like a walking miracle (the “miracle” being that I am still able to walk upright). “Are you having twins?”–though rude–is not a shocking question at that point. People actually probably wonder if I’m having triplets, but most of them have the good sense not to actually ask.
This is my fourth child. I have been pregnant six times in eight years. By now, I’m pretty sure my uterus knows to blow up like a balloon before the pregnancy test is even dry.
With all that said…. WHY?!?!
WHY do people feel the need to say these things to pregnant women?
WHERE IS YOUR HOME TRAINING?!
How is it that perfectly normal people who would ordinarily never comment on another person’s size, upon being confronted by a larger-than-expected pregnant woman, morph into Michael Scott from The Office (unable to suppress every foolish comment that passes through their brain)?
What purpose does a question or comment like that serve?!
It’s not a family member or health care provider expressing concern for my well being.
It’s not a friend joking with me (for the record, despite having friends with pretty sharp, snarky senses of humor, none of them have ever made a joke or comment like this).
It’s an acquaintance (and in some cases, a total random stranger) just throwing it out there like it desperately needed to said, like verbal diarrhea they were physically unable to contain.
So let me clear this up for everyone, lest you run into a large pregnant woman who is NOT as immune to this absurdity as I am: If you are tempted to say anything other than, “You look great!” do everyone a favor and…
JUST SAY NOTHING!
(And for the record, after four ultrasounds — and another on the docket for next week–yes, we are pretty confident it’s *not* twins)
Now, should you find yourself face-to-face with one of these idiots, and chances are you will, here’s a list of clever pregnancy comebacks you may want to consider.
Clever Pregnancy Comebacks
- “What?! I’m not pregnant!” – if they’re commenting on how large you are, this response is sure to be a double-whammy.
- In response to inquiries about how large you are: “I was just thinking the same thing about you!” Ok, truthfully, this may be a clever pregnancy comeback, but it’s a little too mean for me. With that said, if someone else’s rude or intrusive questions are getting under your skin, you feel free to go for it!
- “Oh my gosh?! You’re an OB?! I had no idea this was your specialty?!” -This is also helpful for people in the opposite situation (“You’re too small”). No one has *ever* accused me of being too small while pregnant, but apparently it happens so some women.
- “I don’t know why I’m gaining so quickly. It’s probably the empty calories in all the beer I’ve been drinking.” – Be careful with this pregnancy comeback. Some dummy could very well take you seriously and then you’ll have a CPS situation on your hands. After all, if they were that bright, they’d have shut up in the first place.
- Spritz the offending commenter with a spray bottle of vinegar. – Ok it might be a stretch to call this a clever pregnancy comeback, but this course of action was suggested by a woman on The Wild, Wild West Facebook page and I laughed out loud when I read it. It made me think of punishing a naughty cat.
The fact is, a baby is a blessing and pregnancy is a miracle. Try not to let the comments people make and the rude questions people ask of pregnant women get to you. If these clever pregnancy comebacks help you feel better, by all means use them.
Just remember — you won’t be this big or uncomfortable forever–and it will all be worth it!