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I need new clothes. There. I said it.

Another summer season is upon us and my current wardrobe is way beyond limping on its last leg. I’ve put off this evil for a very long time, but the need can no longer be denied. I need new clothes.

I have to go shopping.

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Have you ever heard of the “no new clothes” challenge? It’s where you go without buying any new clothes for a set period of time (six months to a year, typically). I consider myself a champion at this challenge even though I’ve never entered. I’m a participant by default because I simply hate shopping for clothes that much.

When God was fashioning my second X-chromosome, he left out the shopping gene. Yes, many women (and men) may enjoy it, but not me. It is my nightmare.

When I say “I need new clothes,” I really need new clothes. Nothing short of a legitimate need could convince me to shop.

In preparation for this new clothes shopping trip, let us pray:

Let the racks be neither barren nor overcrowded. Too few choices means nothing will fit, too many choices means this shopper-who-hates-shopping will be overwhelmed.

 

Let the dressing room lights be flattering.

OK, let’s be realistic, that’s not going to happen. Even when I was at my skinniest and most youthful, the light was always harsh. Let the dressing room lights be “not too horrifying.”

Let the dressing rooms be devoid of teens and childless early-twenty-somethings trying on their stylish new clothes. Better yet, let the dressing rooms be completely empty as I take an absurd amount of time to ponder whether or not this shirt fits comfortably over my mummy-tummy.

Let the sizes run big. Let the materials be stretchy (and pre-shrunk!). Let the colors be dark. Let the shorts be long enough for mom, but not long enough for grandma. Let none of the stripes be horizontal.

Let the cost of the two items I find that actually fit not be outrageous. I do not need to wear $50 shorts to the playground nor do I need a $50 shirt for my children to use as a spare napkin.

When I do finally find something, let it be available in my size in every color imaginable, so I can buy ten different versions of the same thing and be done with clothes shopping for many years.

Lord, grant my husband the good sense to see nothing and say nothing. I normally have a good sense of humor and I love a great joke, but this is not one of those times. I will find nothing funny about this shopping trip and Heaven help anyone else who does.

Okay, I get it. We probably shouldn’t pray over a shopping outing. It’s a little ridiculous at best (possibly sacrilegious at worst).

But will you at least cross your fingers?

*****

 

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