#Parenthood: where no good deed goes unpunished! Enjoy this humorous story of when family movie night goes wrong. #Potty issues are the worst, kids eating junk food is the worst, nosebleeds are the worst. #Motherhood is just full of surprises!
Daily Life,  motherhood,  Sassy, Snarky, & Sarcastic Parenting Humor

In Parenthood, No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

Sharing is caring!

So I decided to be a fun mom last weekend.

Spoiler alert: big mistake!

I decided we were going to have a movie night. I spent all day looking at Pinterest for ideas and gearing myself up for this amazing bonding time with my boys. We drove to town and picked up pizza, a movie, all the supplies for root beer floats, and a bit of candy. Then we excitedly rushed home to start our joyous, memorable time together.

Oh it was memorable, all right…

First of all, I have two boys, and any mom to multiples knows that if you try to do anything fun they will inevitably fight and ruin it.

It does not matter in the least that there is a seven-year age gap between the two. They can fight like the best of them.

via GIPHY

The two-year-old specifically wanted the blanket that his brother was using and his brother did not want to share. This resulted in a knock-down, drag-out, tug-of-war screaming match where no one could hear the movie. I decided the tormenting toddler could care less about the movie and it was past his bedtime, so I shipped him off to bed.

Once the monster was asleep, my oldest and I poured our root beer floats, rewound the movie, and attempted to start again. Things were going great until, halfway through the movie, he jumped up and ran to the kitchen.

He had a bloody nose!

–And not just any bloody nose, but one that was flowing so heavily, he stood over the trash can because a tissue just wasn’t going to cut it. It was CSI-Law-and-Order-Forensic-Files awful.

via GIPHY

This went on for twenty minutes as I got increasingly woozy and debated calling someone to come help us (ever seen that meme, “I need an adult. An adulty-er adult”? It was like that). I kept imagining me passed out on the floor while my kid bled to death. Just as I was about to call on the first responders to come and save the both of us, it finally stopped.

I did a quick clean-up of the crime scene kitchen and we once again returned to our movie.

As the movie ended, he started to complain about a stomach ache. This was probably due to the mountain of candy wrappers lying beside him. I did what any tired mom does: I tucked him into bed and told him to sleep it off, he’d feel better in the morning. Then I crossed my fingers that the problem would go away on its own (anyone care to guess how that turned out?).

As I drifted off to sleep I heard a panic-stricken yell “MMOOOOMMM!”

I jumped out of bed and found him crouching butt-*ss naked in front of the toilet. Apparently, he wasn’t sure which end it was going to come out of, but all of the candy and ice cream were attempting to evacuate. He assured me he had to puke, but as he’s saying this, I realize that he is actually sh*tting on the floor!

via GIPHY

At this point, I’m now panicking! “You’re pooping! You need to sit on the toilet!”

“No, mom I’m going to puke!”

“Sit on the flipping toilet, you are sh*tting on the floor!”

I know I probably shouldn’t have been mad, but at this point, I was. The whole night had gone from fun to ridiculous.

 

He finally decided I was right and finished his business ON the toilet. Then he cleaned up the floor (I wasn’t about to do it) and announced he was feeling better. Thank goodness because I was now nauseous and wondering WTF had just happened. He let me know he wanted to take a bath before heading to bed to clean up. I mumbled “Fine, whatever. Good night” as I made my way back to my bed.

The night continued quietly and everyone finally got some sleep. I fell asleep cursing myself for buying candy and promised myself that next time, I will say no, no matter how badly I want to be the fun mom.

As the house awakened in the morning, I found my son asleep on the couch. Apparently, he never made it to his bed. He sits up, looks around confused, and lets me know that for the first time in forever, he has peed the bed (aka my couch).

Moms. At this point, my face turned red and those little steam clouds exploded from my ears, I turned around, packed a bag, and bought a plane ticket out of here.

via GIPHY

Mom is officially done.

Alright, that’s not true.

That is exactly what I wanted to do.

Instead, like the good mom I try to be, I started a load of laundry, thanked my lucky stars I have a mostly washable couch, started a bucket of mop water, poured in a massive amount of bleach (this post proudly brought to you by Clorox), and disinfected my floors as I asked myself how this had become my life.

Sometimes I think this motherhood thing might kill me, and other times it is just so outrageous, I’ve just got to shake my head, laugh, and keep trucking.

Although I would like my life and time with my kids to be Pinterest-perfect—and trust me, I do try to appear that way—the reality is motherhood can be a complete sh*t-show (pun intended) for the best of us.

So take a deep breath, find the humor in it, and remind yourself that one day you’ll miss this (cue that excessively sappy Trace Adkins song…). At least that’s what they say…

#Parenthood: where no good deed goes unpunished! Enjoy this humorous story of when family movie night goes wrong. #Potty issues are the worst, kids eating junk food is the worst, nosebleeds are the worst. #Motherhood is just full of surprises!
Pin it – Please! (Tap or hover on the image and the Pinterest “P’ should appear)

***

Bre Tuttle is a stay-at-home mom to two rambunctious little boys.  She utilizes her business degree by running and writing for The Complex Mom. She shares her experiences of being a preemie mom and a widow in hopes of helping other moms trying to survive the unpredictable journey of motherhood. 

This guest post is sponsored by Clorox (just kidding, it’s not. But that is an affiliate link and, as an Amazon associate, I may earn from qualifying purchases (at no additional charge to you).

 

Sharing is caring!

26 Comments

  • betterasus

    LOL! All of the memes in this are so spot on! I was dying laughing. Thanks so much for sharing! Mom life is the best and worst life there is. lol!

    Josephine | Better as Us
    betterasus.com

  • KrisBeeMama

    What a nightmare!!! I try to do movie nights with my toddler…it almost never ends well (mostly from his attention span). But after hearing about your movie night, I’ll be grateful for a toddler that just won’t sit still! Thank goodness for Clorox!

    • Charissa @ The Wild, Wild West

      Hahahahah DON’T DO IT!!! Save yourself!

      I agree though –we’ve never had a Family Movie Night that ended this disastrously (knock on wood). Most of the time, it’s bad side effect is just exhausted and cranky kids and parents the next day.

      Charissa

  • MotherhoodMilestones

    For the last couple days, I have been considering having a “fun” movie night with my kids for the first time.. Not sure I’m ready to chance it yet after reading this! lol In this moment, I am so thankful mine are still in diapers.

  • staceywritesmore

    AHHH! So many days like this. And they suck. Even if you’ve had a million of them. I feel like every time I try to be that fun mom it ends up this way. Kids get lost in playgrounds. ER trips to end fun days prematurely. All out brawls between kids. You deserve an adult beverage mama!

    • Charissa @ The Wild, Wild West

      Hi Stacey(writesmore)!
      I so agree — they are terrible, every time –although I do think you get a little calmer in dealing with them after a while (as if parenthood gradually beats the ick-factor out of you). And YES, Bre deserves alllllllll the adult beverages, for sure!
      Charissa

  • Sonja- Too Much Character

    After a long night of being up with a teething baby and the previous night with a 3 year old with croup, I will count my blessings! I hope that won’t be in my future- fingers crossed. Did you Lysol spray EVERYTHING? Maybe you got all the crazy, messy sickness experiences all done in one night so you have met your quota for the next year or two.

    • Charissa @ The Wild, Wild West

      Ughhhhh teething is the worst because it drags on FOREVVVVVVER (and croup is no fun either). It took me 25 years to respond to this comment, so hopefully all are healthy (and the offending teeth have cut through) by now. When new parents leave the hospital with a few diapers, wipes, formula samples, coupons, etc., the hospital should also include a giant gallon of Clorox/Lysol/Hospital-grade disinfectant!!!

      Thanks for reading!
      Charissa

  • growingkidsandcrops

    Ohhhhh – I haven’t had it quite that bad but anytime our ‘babies’ are sick it makes mom into a train wreck 😂

    You just solidified me not being the ‘fun mom’ and I will leave that up to the grandparents so they can clean up the messes. 😂

    • Charissa @ The Wild, Wild West

      I said the same thing: I’ve had some fun outings go south, but never this bad (thankfully! –and knock on wood). I agree though: if it’s dramatic or messy, best to save it for the grandparents. They will have plenty of time to rest and recover once they send the kids back home to you!

      Charissa

  • lisajakesmomma

    I laughed so hard at this! I can totally relate. As a boy mom myself, there is rarely a dull moment. And we went through a floor pooping stage. Never fun

  • parksandeducationnet

    Oh…wow. I just kept thinking as I was reading, “this has to be the end of the story now.” Nope. The horrors kept coming. On the bright side your next family night can’t possibly be as bad as this one, right? So, it’s only up from here!

    • Charissa @ The Wild, Wild West

      Yes! When Bre sent me this post, I felt the exact same way reading it: surely that’s all, but, like a cheap infomercial, “But wait, there’s more!”
      I’m not sure Family Movie Night would be on my list to try again during this decade, but you certainly bring an optimistic view: can’t be worse (or could it…?)!

      Thanks for reading!
      Charissa

  • Fallon Barrett

    I loved it! You should have seen how big my eyes got when you said he sh*tted on the floor! LOL! I was like, I have totally been here before at one point in my life. Those are the moments where you look around and say “Okay, where’s the camera, cuz this cant be really happening!” I felt all of that!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *